Did you miss me?? Haha!
Every once in a while something happens that lights that creative fire and then…I write. This time it was a simple text from my mom. Telling me she is thankful every day.
Ten years ago, my life was unrecognizable. Bad choice after bad choice, disappointing my friends, my family. I would include disappointing myself, but I had been there so long, I didn’t even know to be disappointed, anymore. I couldn’t even see what I was doing.
Long story short, I finally accepted my family’s offer to help me. Ten years ago I went to rehab. It was the scariest, most uncomfortable situation I’ve ever been in. And that’s really saying a lot, cause I’m pretty much uncomfortable in most situations. Hah! As far out of my comfort zone as this program took me, I knew there was no other option. I learned more about myself, and grew more in that four months than in the seven years I’d spent tumbling down the rabbit hole.
I was terrified that I would always want, that I would always need…something. And looking back I remember that fear. That my life would never be quite right. That maybe I had ruined myself, and my ability to be happy. What a welcomed realization it was that that was not the case.
I can look back at my “dark time” (what my mom calls it) and although there is regret and embarrassment, I know that wasn’t really me. I mean…duh…it was me, but you know.
I’m sure there are stories in all of our lives we would like to rip out of our books, leave unread. But in all honesty, I am who I am today, I know what I know today because of my time in the dark.
It is in this mindset, these moments looking back, that I see how far I’ve come. And I too remember to be thankful each and every day that I chose this life. And even more so, that I was given the opportunity.